


Maybe, Probably, Perhaps, Yes

by miloron (ocoa)



Category: NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Romance, and theres no dan ong or sungwoon, because i always wanted to write that, i may or may not write more beyond the second chapter, icb my first w1 centred fic, im sorry the three of you, in second chapter, its a key point, jihoon thinks too much in this, lots of references to dec 2018, maknae line is jihoon's support system, potentially angst with a happy ending, slight Jonghyun/Jisung, slight and potentially one-sided Daehwi/Dongho, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-14 05:16:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13000656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocoa/pseuds/miloron
Summary: Park Jihoon maybe, maybe, might have a little bit of a crush on Hwang Minhyun, who is probably, most likely, dating someone else.





	1. Chapter 1

When Jihoon meets Minhyun, it feels like stars and galaxies explode in his head and chest, colouring then in an array of shades he had never experienced before, because the older's just maybe a bit more handsome than the guy he sees in a music video about five years ago. He has a bit of a crush, and this persists to the point he's glad that he never actually was in a team with Minhyun personally.

He was, however, in a team with Choi Minki, and has a bit of a heart attack when Minhyun smiles at him.

"You're Minki's kid right?" He asks mirthfully, to which Minki snorts.

"Oh please, as if you hadn't adopted half of the trainees. At least mine are younger!"

Minhyun laughs again, the arm around Minki's shoulders comfortable and looking as if it fit.

Jihoon manages a smile, before he catches Jinyoung's eye and manages to escape.

He's jealous, he's not stupid, so he recognises this feeling, but he's appalled at the effect it has on him since even Jinyoung is a bit worried about him.

"Your face is weird," Jinyoung says, furrowing his eyebrows in a mocking of his expression.

Jihoon shakes him off, but can't fight the flush that hits his ears. It's all a bit embarrassing and it definitely makes Jihoon all the more obvious, so of course Daehwi and Samuel are teasing him about it the weeks after.

Fast forward a few episodes, and Jihoon is debuting with Minhyun. He's sitting next to Minhyun, wondering what to say, since he too was floored by Jonghyun's elimination, and understands Minhyun's reaction after it all. There is still tinges of red that hint at the tears the night before, before they all arrived at the new Wanna One practice studio at YMC. He wills himself to say something, anything, so he forces out the first thing in his mind.

"Hyung, do you need some water?"

Minhyun glanced at him, and then the bottle in his hands.

Oh god, why was Jihoon such an idiot?

"Ah, I mean, sorry, dumb question-"

Minhyun smiled, and wow. Was that Jihoon's heart he was hearing in his ears?

"It's okay, Jihoonie," he laughed, ruffling Jihoon's hair. "I'm fine."

Jihoon frowned. "No you're not."

Minhyun blinked, and Jihoon almost apologises again at the disrespect, but Minhyun smiles again, and it's something soft, maybe even fond if Jihoon lets himself delude a little.

"No, I guess I'm not, but I will be since," he pulls Jihoon half into his chest with an arm, "I have such cute dongsaengs that care about me."

Jihoon manages to bite back the happiness that wells from within him and smiles, voice turning teasing, "of course Hyung! You better not be sad anymore or Minki-hyung would kill me.

It's the closest he's managed to get with Minhyun so maybe he got a bit overzealous. It makes Minhyun laugh though.

He hates the fact that makes him overly satisfied, hates the fact how Minhyun's arms around him feels so good and warm, and how his body relaxes in it instead of cringing like usual, and seriously Hwang Minhyun needs to stop or Jihoon might one day start crying.

"Hey Jihoonie," Minhyun says, after what is to him a slight silence. "Thanks."

The words are said right by his ear, and even then it almost escapes him. He huffs, sinking into the embrace to show his support for Minhyun.

He was a goddamn idiot though, for letting this go on for as long as it did, because he's struck when he realises that night that Minhyun had called Pledis on the house phone, and that the smile he gives comes easily and is even brighter than the one he gives Jihoon. He hears nothing much, but Jonghyun's name stands out and he remembers that they were pretty close. He feels himself close off, because who was he that he could compete with Jonghyun, aka Kim JR, aka one of the most sought after people in the whole of South Korea right now?

Jihoon couldn't even beat him with his cringe inducing aegyo, because he's sure that the only reason why Jonghyun didn't get in was because Minhyun got in, and the sheer loss he feels makes him hate himself for his weakness.

He's an idiot.

He never should have fallen for Hwang Minhyun.

* * *

“Jihoon-hyung are you...” Guanlin makes an aborted motion, struggling to find the words before he settles on “okay?”

Jihoon looked up at him, forcing a smile. “Yeah Guanlinnie, don’t mind me.”

“Is it Minhyun-hyung again?”

Jihoon gaped, flapping his mouth open and shut before looking away with an unconvincing “no!” Even he can tell that he was red to the tips of his ears, and he didn’t even look up to see the teasing grin on Daehwi’s face when he enters the room.

“Oh are you talking about Jihoon-hyung’s obvious crush on Minhyun-hyung?”

“Wha-what do you mean, I- I don’t have a crush on-!” Jihoon let out a whine, covering his face. Damn he must look pathetic now.

“Ah, right, Woojin-hyung did tell me not to approach you about it...”

And that was why he liked Woojin the most.

Daehwi patter his head placatingly, and although it didn’t help much, Jihoon was very grateful for his sympathy. Jihoon groaned again, shaking away the sarcastic thoughts.

“Come on, its not that bad. You’re lucky Minhyun-hyung likes you back. When I was under JYP all the older noonas barely gave me a blink.”

“Daehwi, you’re like 5.”

“Guanlin, no offence but stay quiet or I’ll whack you.”

“Can you even reach?”

Jihoon looked up, “Guys, please? My life ending prob- wait, Daehwi what did you say?”

Daehwi cracked his knuckles. “I said I’ll hit Guanlin for insulting my awesomeness.”

“No not that, what did you say Minhyun-hyung was?”

Daehwi’s smirk turned more sly, and he grinned like a Cheshire Cat. “I said... Minhyun-hyung likes you.” And as Daehwi usually acts, he added dramatically, “romantically.”

What.

...what.

No way that was possible, Minhyun still had-

“Go get him, Hyung! Might as well, not like we have forever either,” Daehwi’s mouth turned tight around the edges, like he was hiding something. Jihoon backed up from his confusion enough to make a note to talk to Woojin about it. The guy knew how to talk to Daehwi the best. Before he can mention it though, the look disappears, and Daehwi grinned. “I’m glad that it wasn’t just infatuation though.”

Daehwi dropped next to Jihoon and grinned, pulling Jihoon into a tight hug. The only reason why Jihoon doesn’t push away was because he could feel Daehwi shake, just a bit. “Jihoon-hyung and Minhyun-hyung look good together.” He says with false cheer. Jihoon frowns, and he’s almost surprised at the anger that surges in him at the thought of someone hurting Daehwi.

Guanlin, always the attention seeker, joins their hug, arms snakes around them too tight.

Jihoon, feeling a particular sort of indulgence for his juniors, hugs back.

* * *

Jihoon ignores the what-ifs of Hwang Minhyun for months, and he is unexpectedly thankful of the fact that everyone is too overworked to hound him for it. But even he’s astonished the moment he has the time to just look at Minhyun, because he’s never noticed how thin the older man has gotten.

It hits him that he’s able to ignore looking at Minhyun because Minhyun was never there. He was always running around for shows, for shoots, for practice, for everything but sitting at the dorm and just resting. Jihoon may have been tired out as well, but it’s ridiculous how often Minhyun was called.

“Minhyun-hyung...” the older man looked up, and Jihoon is almost guilty because it was obvious that he had been trying to catch a nap. “Dinner is ready.”

Minhyun shook his head, already dozing off. “I’m not hungry, I’ll eat it later.”

Jihoon shook his head, “you might not have time later,” he urged, “do you want me to call Jonghyun-hyung?” No response. “Minki-hyung? Dongho-hyung? ...Aron-ssi?” He trailed off, but Minhyun laughed.

“Aron-ssi, he’s sure get a rise out of that.” Minhyun stretched forward, heavy but somehow languid like a cat. “Yeah I’m up. Let’s go Jihoonie.”

Damn how old adages prove true, because there’s no other word for how he describes the burst of warmth and the tingle on his lips that threatens to make him smile as anything but fondness. Daehwi was glad that it wasn’t infatuation, Jihoon only now realises that this feeling really wasn’t.

“You alright Jihoon? Not falling sick right?” Minhyun’s hand presses cold against his forehead. Jihoon shook his head for fear of spilling something. “You better not be lying. Jonghyun would get fevers sometimes before concerts, but he would continue and not tell anyone until we’re back at home.”

Jihoon balked away from the hand, chest twisting.

No, this was no longer falling.

This was hitting the cold and hard ground.

Park Jihoon was in love with Hwang Minhyun.

This was temporary.

Wanna One was temporary.

Hwang Minhyun was already attached.

Jihoon couldn’t do this.

He clutches his chest to the thoughts of you screwed up, you’re not good enough, why even try, he doesn’t love you back, why did you let yourself fall in love with him, and reacts in a way he never thought he would have.

Run.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My twitter is [@forjron](https://twitter.com/ForJron?lang=en)  
> My askfm is [@bugiron](https://ask.fm/bugiron)

Jihoon’s chest thundered in his ears, blood rushing with the edges of his panic attack and the full sprint he did. The park was quiet, it was about 10pm on a weekday. It calmed him. The trill of the cicadas was shrill and deafening, but it kept him off edge enough to take shuddering breaths the way Kwon Hyeop had taught him long ago.

He curled into himself, shaking off the bitter thoughts. He knew he had to get home soon, he caught just a flash of Minhyun’s face when he pushed him away as he darted off, and he knew the man had probably called everyone in the company to find him. And even when he didn’t have a chance with Minhyun, he still didn’t want to worry him.

“Jihoon?”

He knew that voice.

Slowly he looked up to Kim Jonghyun, who stared back at him with equal confusion. His phone was in his hand, raised outward as if he was reading something. Then he slipped it into the pocket of his jersey and walked towards Jihoon.

“What are you doing out so late?”

Jihoon shrugged, before shaking his head.

Jonghyun hummed. He offered what Jihoon realised was a bag full of drinks to him, grinning slightly. “I’m sure the others won’t mind if you took one.”

Jihoon worried his lower lip with his teeth before shaking his head again. Jonghyun quirked his eyebrow, before leaning back, falling silent.

Jihoon regarded the man carefully. He looked better, way better than he did during Produce. Settled, calm, younger. He heard about the success of Nu'est W over the past few months, he supposed it helped to lift the weight off the man’s shoulders. It’s hard to imagine that the man was 4 years older, when Jihoon feels so much older than Jonghyun looked.

He could barely handle himself, how would he be able to take care of Minhyun?

The silence hung heavy, the itch to do something making his hand twitch. Jihoon could do the inevitable, and just cave. Jonghyun had that effect on people, he even managed to get the elusive Im Youngmin to talk about his feelings at one point, he heard. He remembers at the start of Produce, which seemed so long ago, back in the Hidden Box challenge, Jonghyun had been the one to offer him a soothing smile. It had been more comforting than Jihoon liked to admit.

Still, he held strong for about 15 more minutes, before he relented and let out a sigh.

“Hyung, I messed up.”

Jonghyun looked up, eyes probing gently. Jihoon took a breath, deep and shaking and the action brought tears to his eyes. He buried his face into his lap, and the words come out muffled in his clothes.

“I think I love Minhyun-hyung.”

He can’t help the spite that crawls into his voice, as awful as it sounds, so he buries himself deeper. There’s a silence that follows it, and Jihoon is tempted to leave and take it that Jonghyun was angry, maybe looking upon him with disgust. Instead, he realised, Jonghyun’s face was completely bare. He didn’t even look surprised. Jonghyun nodded, as if probing him to continue. There’s a welling in his chest that he can just barely suppress, even when his vision blurs and burns.

“I love him, I’m sorry Hyung,” he babbled, the apologies falling out like waterfalls as Jonghyun pulled him to his shoulder and rubbed his neck coaxingly. When Jihoon calms, he doesn’t move, and Jonghyun doesn’t force him to.

“Jihoon-ah...” Jonghyun murmured softly, “do you want to stay at Pledis for tonight? Just for you to clear up your head.”

Jihoon sucked in a shaking breath, before he nodded, even when his face was flushed with shame at having broken down, at having broken down in front of _Jonghyun_ of all people. Jonghyun smiled, before patting his back.

“Let’s go then, Minki would be happy to see you.”

* * *

Minki certainly was happy to see him, bounding up to him with a bright grin and a tight hug, a whirlwind of energy that led to him misunderstanding the situation as rounding onto Jonghyun about why his _precious baby’s eyes were all red_ and _was it your fault Jonghyun how dare you_. Aron(“-hyung” the man grinned, ruffling Jihoon’s hair, giggling maniacally when Jihoon greets him with “-ssi”) and Dongho managed to pull Minki off of Jonghyun, and Jonghyun pouts the whole night in a dizzying display of natural cuteness that Jihoon has never seen on him before until Minki breaks and apologises, channeling his own inner five year old.

Their dynamic is weird, something Jihoon has never seen before, something so strange and intimate that he’s a bit confused when Aron clings on Jonghyun. Wasn’t Jonghyun dating Minhyun?

Or...

A suspicion grows in his chest, blooming outward. Was this...?

_Were they always like this?_

“It’s about time to rest,” Jonghyun cuts through the noise, “we have a fan sign tomorrow so we should get some rest. And Jihoon,” Jonghyun turned to him, “you can take Min’s room.“ Jihoon chewed his lip, but the look on Jonghyun’s face and the general agreement by the rest of Nu’est forced him to nod.

“Okay, great. Dongho, bring him there, I’ll just call Jisung-hyung to let him know his wayward son is here.”

Minki hummed, smirking knowingly. “Yeah, just that.”

Jonghyun ignored him, and Minki crowed with laughter as the leader walked away.

“Jonghyun-hyung...?”

Dongho nodded, also halfway giggling at the scene. “Well, they only got close after Minhyun got into Wanna One, but well...”

Aron faked wiping a tear, “Our Jonghyunnie got a crush! He’s all grown up, and will leave us _behind_!”

The three cackled maniacally. _Was this what hell was?_ Jihoon thought with a shudder.

Still, Jihoon’s head spun. Possibilities he was scared of facing suddenly came back in an overwhelming rush.

Minki pat his back, having calmed enough for the only sign of his amusement to be the sheen of tears by the crinkled laughter in his eyes. “Go to sleep, Jihoonie. Tomorrow your manager and the rest of your group will pick you up.”

He waggled his eyebrows and Jihoon can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the expression, even when he flushed at the intonation behind him. Dongho shook his head.

“Let’s go,” Dongho said, and Jihoon followed.

* * *

In the morning, Jihoon is awakened by gentle fingers running through his hair. His eyes flutter open, because realisation hits him too fast, and knowing the Pledis hyungs they aren’t really the type to do this to just anyone but...

His suspicions are confirmed, and as his sleep blurred vision clears he starts to recognise Minhyun looking at him with a soft look in his eyes.

“Hyung?”

Minhyun smiled, eyes crinkling, “morning, Jihoonie.”

Jihoon pushes himself up, already feeling the flush of shame that accompanies the knowledge of what had led him here in the first place. “I’m sorry Hyung, I didn’t mean to worry you and...”

Minhyun shook his head, but Jihoon could see the darkened circles under his eyes. “You should apologise to Jisung-hyung. You know how he worries.” Minhyun snorted. “Though after Jonghyun’s call, he looked more happy than relieved.”

Jihoon nodded slowly, not quite understanding the situation, before he realised oh wait, he slept in Minhyun’s room. He _messed up Minhyun’s room_.

“Hyung, I’m sorry I used your room... The other Nu’est hyungs said I could-“

Minhyun laughed, clear and crystal and, embarrassingly enough in Jihoon’s mind, the soft sprinkle of light. “It’s okay,” and maybe Jihoon’s hallucinating, as he always does, that Minhyun’s eyes are fond. “Better you than Jonghyun.” He crinkled his nose, “he can’t clean up after himself.”

Jihoon imagines the man he’d grown to admire from his Produce 101 days, and would have found it hard to believe if it wasn’t for the fact that he had walked past Jonghyun’s room to get to Minhyun’s. He cracked a smile at the thought. Guanlin would faint at the thought of his Nu’est hyungs actually being human.

Minhyun’s smile widened, before he ruffled Jihoon’s hair. “Come on, Jihoonie, we should go, before the rest decide to stay here forever. Go wash up, I’ll see you outside.”

Jihoon nodded, scrambling out of the bed.

By the time he’s done, apparently Aron had cooked breakfast enough for the 15 people that were cramped around the dorm. Jihoon catches Daehwi sitting stiffly when Dongho day between him and Guanlin and oh...that’s what happened. Minhyun patted him on the back.

“Don’t worry, they’ll figure it out. Dongho is quite observant when it comes to this, and Daehwi is a strong kid.”

He caught Woojin’s eye, and the other BNM boy shook his head. He supposed it would be okay to leave them be. Jihoon decided to sit beside Minki who essentially pulled him down to sit. Across him he could see Jonghyun and Jisung talking softly in the kitchen, and the smile that they share is almost intimate. He feels a stab of something that he can’t quite place. But it’s warm and spreads from his centre to his fingertips. He can’t help relaxing.

Minhyun sat down beside him, arm moving to rest against Jihoon’s back, making him stiffen. Minki raised his eyes brows, a hint of a smile hitting the edges of his lips. Jihoon may or may not have hated Minki at that point but he was too busy trying to manoeuvre the flow of blood away from his face.

“Not eating?”

Minhyun’s voice was low, private, and he leaned into Jihoon. Jihoon shrugged, trying to look anywhere but Minhyun. Minhyun thrusted a plate of pancakes at him. “Eat it,” he probed.

Aron, who looked up at the scene, rolled his eyes. “Oh my god Minhyun, there’s more here. C’mon, stop trying to be a Prince Charming and get some food for yourself too.”

Minhyun huffed, but stood and took the plate. Jihoon but back the surge of adoration when he catches notice of the red that tinges Minhyun’s ears. He feels something unfurl and realised what it was. Hope. He was starting to entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe, Minhyun might like him back.

When Minhyun sits back down, Jihoon throws caution to the wind and leans into Minhyun, who’s stiffens at the action. There’s a tingle where their arms touch. For some time, air tense and heavy, Minhyun doesn’t say anything.

“Later,” he suddenly says, “after breakfast, I want to tell you something.”

Jihoon’s throat tightened, and a part of him hopes but something that tastes like doubt consumes him and he wonders, what if he was wrong? What if Minhyun wanted to reject him? What if he told Jihoon he hated him, and didn’t want him near? Still he nods, and Minhyun offers a small tight smile.

* * *

Minhyun leads him down the Pledis building after breakfast, chattering endlessly about each room with quips about his trainee life with the rest of the Pledis trainees. At some point he stops and calls over (holy shit) Woozi from Seventeen, cackling as he introduced “Jihoon, this is Jihoon” and Woozi only rolled his eyes before sticking his hands out.

“Ah so you’re that Jihoon.” Woozi smirked sharp and knowing, before punching Minhyun in the shoulder in a way that looked like it actually hurt. “Don’t be lame, you’ll scare him away.”

Then he’s gone, schedule too filled to grace them anymore, as Minhyun lamented, disappearing down one of the many hallways that Pledis had. It looked startlingly different from Maroo’s building, but Minhyun leads him to a room that whole different held some form of familiarity.

“This is where we practice most of the time,” he explained, “unless we have particularly big choreography then we use another room. I think Nu’est W use that room...” he trails off, voice edging on wistfulness.

“You miss them huh?”

Minhyun shrugged. “It’s not like I’ll never see them again. I’ll be fine.”

His eyes turned determined. “Unlike Wanna One, Nu’est will always be there, so I wanted to do this. Before I lost the chance.”

Jihoon’s hands unconsciously find the edge of his shirt and clutched it, holding his breath. He almost wants to look away, but Minhyun was breathtaking when he was in Pledis, holding himself in a different way, in a more steadfast way Jihoon had ever seen.

“I love you, Jihoonie. Will you go out with me?”

And it takes a while to process, the words simple but somehow hard to understand. Jihoon’s head roared as blood rushed to his cheeks and his chest bloomed with something that feels too good to be true.

“...what?” is all he manages.

“I love you. As a guy. I want to date you.”

Jihoon feels something burn in his eyes, and Minhyun’s face crumples as he sweeps Jihoon into a hug, and Jihoon realised that the burning was tears that seeped into Minhyun’s jacket. Jihoon half heartedly put his hands between him and Minhyun, knowing he should tell him no, that this wasn’t good for them when their society was like this, when they were wrong, but the words choke up in his throat and he starts to sob.

Minhyun holds him firm and steady, gentle voice repeating “I love you,” which only makes Jihoon’s chest twist harder.

He loved Minhyun.

Minhyun said he loved him.

And Jihoon wanted to say yes, wanted to let himself be happy, wanted Minhyun the same way Minhyun said he wanted him but...

He was scared.

It’s funny, Jihoon wants to laugh. To think it was this, rather than his parent’s initial rejections to his acting career, rather than his company’s decision to send him to Produce 101, rather than them telling him to play up the winking and aegyo, that has him want to stop, to run all the damn time, that has him so terrified that he can’t breathe.

Suddenly this seems too real, and the nausea creeps up on him.

This was for the best.

This was for the both of them.

They could find other people to love.

Love was a choice.

He could stop loving Minhyun.

Even if it was hard.

He needed to stop loving Minhyun.

The words repeated in his head until they sound like his voice.

This was for the best.

His throat constricted around the apology that was about to leave his mouth. He choked out a sob, leaning into Minhyun’s chest.

“Is it okay?” He manages. “We’re both guys, even if we get together, we won’t work out.”

Minhyun’s arms tightened around Jihoon. “It never mattered to me.” He reaches down to wipe Jihoon’s cheeks, smiling slightly at his face. “I love you Jihoonie, and I don’t think that would ever change. No matter your gender. No matter whether or not we’re in the same group. I love you.”

Jihoon closed his eyes and took a shuddering, stuttering breath. He could hear the rush of blood, the doubt that courses in his veins.

Minhyun’s hands caught Jihoon’s, and he interlocked their fingers, “will you go out with me, Jihoonie?”

A feeling so abnormally familiar and unfamiliar blooms within Jihoon, bright and colourful and warm that he wonders if he could call it happiness. He doesn’t know what to say, but he feels himself nodding.

He lets himself look up to Minhyun, and watches as he lights up, smiling in that way where the edges of his eyes crinkles and all his teeth show. He looks younger than he usually acts, like a burden had lifted off his shoulder. Jihoon finds it so endearing he leans back into Minhyun, burying his face into his shoulder and trying to tamper down the blush that burns on his cheeks.

“Did you know,” Jihoon says after a while, “that I thought you were dating Minki-hyung and Jonghyun-hyung?”

Minhyun snorted. “Please, I’ve seen too much of them to even entertain the thought.” Jihoon felt Minhyun smirk against his head, “so were you jealous?”

Jihoon sputtered, pushing away from Minhyun. “I was not!”

But they both knew that the blush on his cheeks said otherwise.

Minhyun smiled again, indulgent and fond. “Don’t sorry Jihoonie, I’ll only ever love you.”

Jihoon covered his face, the skin hot on his hands. He groaned.

“...I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew it’s done!   
> Next fic I’m working on will be teased in my Twitter, so if you’ll like to see what I have in mind you can follow me :) 
> 
> Hint: it’s a text fic  
> Hint 2: it’s seonho/jr  
> Hint 3: jonghyun isn’t the most stable person
> 
> It’s gonna be so fun guys hahhaha

**Author's Note:**

> Can you imagine, this was meant to be "heavy fluff" like i had that written beneath the prompt and everything
> 
> Hah, what a joke
> 
> also another joke: I update a hella lot less when im free than when i have exams, my apologies
> 
> > Follow me on twitter @kwaks43!


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